You kept calling me your small dog last night.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
