Apparently you make a good broom.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
