i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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