I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
