I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
