Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
