u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
