This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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