So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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