Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
