did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
