ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
