You're completely useless in the revolution.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
We need to get me chipped asap
I said "one day" and that day is not today
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
