im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
