Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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