if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize