i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
So much Jack, so little girl.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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