So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
