wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
