If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Let the clothes fall where they may.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
