Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
