Betty ford says i'm here all night
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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