How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
