This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
