rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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