when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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