just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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