but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
