I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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