I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
