Old men and throwing up are my life now.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
