The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
