guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
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