Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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