I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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