she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
