Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
