I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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