I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
