Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
