My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize