Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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