I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
