i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm sobbing to NWA
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
