when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
try to milk me bitch
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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