it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
We are two peas in an std pod
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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