I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
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