and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
