Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
