im drinking this country out of the recession.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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