if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
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