none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
