It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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