the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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