Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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