we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
