When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Randomize
