I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
