Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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