I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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