just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
