apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
