One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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