Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I don't deserve a penis
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
