the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize