I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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