P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You ate ashes out of my bong
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
