What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
