This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
