Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
