Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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