Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
