She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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