I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
